My abuse to my wife was pretty significant early on. One night while we were out, I felt she wasn’t listening to me and refused to leave when I wanted her to, so I drug her out by her arm and by her hair.
I blamed it on the alcohol but still continued drinking. I thought it would be different the next time and that I could control it.
The daily abuse I’ve done over the past 12 years to my wife has been devastating to her. I have always been controlling, critical, never accountable, and never thoughtful. Unless it was to get me out of trouble. I put her and my family through hell.
One night I chose to drink as much as I could as fast as I could. I knew this would give me the excuse to act on my negative thinking. I became belligerent and made a scene. Once home, I began screaming in her face, belittling her, accusing and badgering her. She had done nothing to deserve this.
She wanted to leave or call for help. I wasn’t going to let that happen. I unplugged the home phones. I took her cell phone, going through her call and text logs. I was looking for anything for me to justify my abusive actions. I took her keys, I busted the doors, and punched holes in the walls. I knocked the glass shower door off the frames. I restrained her, palmed her face, shoved her down on the bed. I made sure she wasn’t going to leave and I wasn’t going to jail. I remember thinking she will never forgive me.
I made my way into the kitchen to get my shot gun. While she was standing in front of me I jacked in a shell and put the gun up to my chin and asked her if she wanted me out of her life for good. I pulled the trigger but it did not fire.
A counselor sent me to ARMS. I wish I would have found ARMS sooner but I am thankful I found it when I did. The event was my wakeup call and ARMS has provided me with understanding, accountability and solutions. I did not see myself as abusive.
ARMS helped me identify the abuse I’ve done on all levels and gave me tools to help me be non-abusive. I have been in ARMS for over a year now and it is simply amazing the change and growth.
I had no real idea of what growth looked like for a person like me. I did not know how to change. I could not identify what I was doing wrong and how to stop it. It was hard to swallow that I was abusive. I now have been given the tools to respond to my emotions, rather than react.
It’s really hard to change. Change has not been easy. I have made mistakes. I am trying hard every day to make better choices and live a different way.
To ARMS I want to say thank you for not giving up on us men and providing a place for me to be honest and accountable about the choices we’ve made in life. Being new to faith in God, I am also thankful for the spiritual guidance you have given me as well.